All right, all right, I admit it. I am vain. And arrogant. And insecure. And spiteful. And jealous. These are the demons on my back that keep yelling into my ear, telling me what to do and how to behave.
I want to be the best person I can be. To do the best that I can and to be all that I was made and born to be. But in doing so, I always look alongside me and see others. And compare. That's it, really, isn't it? I'd be perfectly happy doing what I did if I didn't know or care what someone else was doing. But I do not have that luxury.
The most glaring thing about the prominence and greatness of others is the inadequacy I feel in myself. This has to change. I know this is a lesson a long time in coming and I have tried my best to avoid it by humility and modesty, if often of the false variety. But now, it comes to it. There's no escaping and no side alley to duck into. Just the plain and hideous face of my pride sneering at me. And comparing.
This must end. The way it has to. The way of honour and of truth. If will must strive against will, so be it. Only that it not be from selfishness and ambition, but for the desire to do what is right.
I hope I am walking the right path and if I am not, may some kind soul lead me to it.
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1 comments:
You are vain alright (from the way you look at yourself in the mirror all the time :P), but not spiteful and arrogant. You know how I know? I just know :)
<3
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